2. Have a clear purpose.
Know the reason for which something is being done.

3. Understand and use intent.
Intent is one of the most underrated aspects of success.
Your actions have to be packed with intent —
is your mind concentrated, firmly resolved on a purpose?
Out of intent is born will.
It’s a process of exercising the mind with conscious intention towards initiating a chosen action,
i.e., set your goal, see it complete, and go!

4. Establish commitment.
This is the action of binding yourself to a course of action.
Dedication is part of this.
You may not know what to do but if you are committed to being successful, you’ll find out how!

5. Clearly articulate how your service, product, or experience will benefit you, others, the world.
I call this “knowing your story.”
Until you really know your story, it is difficult to enroll others.
It doesn’t matter what you are presenting:
financial services, healthcare, cars, or software.
You need to convincingly express the value of what you do.

Caregiving Son: “I know. She is requiring more and more care.”

Daughter: “I don’t think we can care for her at home any longer. She needs more care then we can offer. But I feel so guilty even considering a nursing home.”

Son: “Me too. Is it what she would want? I feel bad…”

Daughter: “We have to come to a decision soon…”

The above conversation represents a common and often inevitable crossroad that arrives along the path of caregiving. When the increasing level of caregiving responsibility becomes too difficult to handle, family members are faced with some tough life-altering decisions.

• Is it time to place mom in a care facility?
• What are the implications of this decision on our entire family?
• What about the promise we made to care for dad at home?

These questions stir up complex deeply held emotions and there are no easy answers. Knowing when it is necessary to choose care outside the home is a very individual decision. When you are weighing your options, some things to consider are:

• Are my loved one’s medical needs beyond the scope of home care?
• Are other areas in my life being significantly neglected due to caregiving responsibilities?
• Is my own physical and emotional well-being becoming compromised?
• What is the long term picture of my loved one’s condition?

As signs become more apparent, the decision to place a loved one in a care facility can be an unavoidable choice for many families. Once the decision is made many family members feel mixed emotions. These emotions are natural. They spring from a place of love and caring. While every person has a unique response, they tend to fall along a common emotional range:

1. Denial. There is a period of time when reality of a loved one’s situation is blocked out. This basic defense mechanism arises when painful emotions begin to surface and we are not ready to deal with them.
2. Guilt. Feelings of remorse are natural as reality sets in. Guilt is frequently accompanied by self-blame and questioning. Could I be doing more? What could I have done differently?
3. Helplessness. Often there is very little a loved one can do to change the situation – so feelings of helplessness creep in. These feelings can be overwhelming at times.
4. Anger. Feelings of helplessness often lead to anger. Often misdirected instead of acknowledged, anger may be expressed outwardly or inwardly.
5. Sadness. Underneath many emotions there is sadness. Sadness is a natural outgrowth of caring and love. As families deal with change, sadness becomes a form of pre-emptive grief.
6. Relief. Along with the various degrees of difficult emotions, there is often relief – a sense of a burden beginning to lighten as primary care responsibility is transferred. Acknowledging your emotions is the first step. The following thoughts are designed to offer comfort as well as inspiration when you find yourself in the throes of emotional upheaval:

• Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. Feelings are neither “right” nor “wrong.” They are a natural part of being human.
• Talk to somebody about your feelings. Whether it is a trusted friend or professional therapist, talking about your feelings is necessary for emotional as well as physical health.
• Recognize that you are doing the best that you can under difficult circumstances. Be kind and compassionate with yourself and release feelings of guilt.
• There are many good self-help books about the subject of caregiving and transitioning a loved one into a care facility. Ask friends or colleagues to recommend a good one.
• Surround yourself with your support system. Communication is crucial during these periods of stress and transition.
• Use coping tools to keep stress at a minimal. While things are chaotic around you, do your best to make time for relaxation, self-care and fun.
• Talk with your loved one openly and honestly. Give them a chance to express and process their own feelings. Use deep, attentive and nonjudgmental listening.

Nobody sets out in their life to care for a loved one and be responsible for making decisions on their behalf. But life takes unpredictable turns. Help and support is available if you remember to reach out. Each crossroad undertaken, every challenge surpassed, each hurdle crossed, contributes to the rich experience of caregiving.

Who are Caregivers?

Caregivers are unique but not rare. There are millions of caregivers, like you, all around the globe. And the numbers are continuing to grow. Most commonly, caregivers are spouses and children of an elderly and sick loved one. But caregiving is gradually moving into the extended family. Nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins, as well as friends become caregivers too.

Although every caregiving situation is unique, caregivers as a community are not alone. They are in good company. Caregiving crosses all cultures, races, ages, and socioeconomic status. Caregivers can be found from coast to coast. They are located in the country and in the city. Grocery clerks to CEOs are caring for loved ones. And as time marches forward, more and more homes become havens for caregiving as the over 65 population increases and medical needs become more complex.

As caregivers increase in number, support services for caregivers are also developing and expanding. But who are these caregivers and what does it take to live and hopefully thrive as a caregiver? Let’s examine some of the qualities that caregivers come to possess.

Qualities of a Caregiver

Compassion. One of the most obvious qualities is compassion. Compassion is the ability to feel sympathy and empathy for another’s situation. It is deeply understanding and relating to the discomfort and pain of another human being. Caregivers experience genuine compassion for those in their care. They express this compassion through their gentle words as well as their every act of caring.

Resiliency. Resiliency is the capability to recover or adjust easily to change. Caregiving is an emotional rollercoaster. It is painful to witness a loved one move from healthy, active and fully functioning, to sick and sedentary. The capacity to adapt to this change in your loved one’s condition as well as the change in lifestyle that caring for them entails becomes a significant task, one which tests and challenges a caregiver’s resiliency on an almost daily basis. Yet, more often than not, caregivers rise to the occasion.

Patience. Caregivers possess infinite patience. Patience is the quality of remaining calm and steadfast even in the presence of difficulty. Caregivers endure many hardships and trials while caring for a loved one, including the repetitiveness of the daily caregiving routine and disruption to their own life. Yet they tirelessly persevere often without complaint, becoming an unfaltering anchor for their loved one and family.

Selflessness. Caregivers are generally more concerned with their loved one’s welfare than their own. They perform selfless acts of caregiving on a daily basis, without pay and often without recognition. Countless hours are spent tending to the physical, emotional, medical, and even financial needs of a loved one, while one’s own needs become secondary. These selfless gifts make a caregiver particularly special.

Strength. Many caregivers do not consider themselves to be strong. Yet the daily responsibilities of caregiving require an inner and outer strength. Strength is sometimes apparent but is often times more subtle. Being there for your loved one, family and for yourself draws upon a deep internal well of strength that may have been untapped in the past. This type of strength stands out in caregivers.

Resourcefulness. Caregivers meet and handle a myriad of challenging and diverse situations. Through it all they become a source of support that is the very core of resourcefulness. If they are unable to provide a solution or a particular kind of assistance, they find the external resources (organizations, agencies, services) that can help.

Unconditional Love. Above all else caregivers are an endless supply of unconditional love. Love is what drives the caregiver. This kind of love does have expectations or judgments attached. Unconditional love has no limits or barriers; it does not require reciprocal return. This is the level of love exchanged by caregivers and loved ones on a daily basis all around us.

You are a Caregiver

It goes without saying that caregivers are human beings. As human beings they are naturally flawed. The strength to deal with the daily challenges of caregiving comes and goes. Despite the ups and downs, placed in situations they could not have predicted, caregivers are the day to day heroes and champions of the human spirit. All humans have innate virtues. Caregiving taps into these virtues on a more regular basis, calling forth the best of our human qualities, characteristics and strengths. Defying any single definition – you are a caregiver.

For me…

I pass on only after a life filled with joy, love and success, all at my choosing.
I will not miss out on savoring the moments in life.
I will leap off the cliff without fear and catch fire, turning to ash and cinder as I am reborn to experience new and excitement moments and connections.
I choose to inhabit my days and not be an observer of life as it swirls and spins around me
I allow my living to open me, to make me see beyond that which stands before me.
To loosen, and shake my heart free of all that has come before until it becomes free to give,
I choose to risk all that I am in this moment to find significance.

May your life have meaning and be measured by how you live not by what you have.

May you wake to find yourself reinvented, refreshed and ready to reach out and taste the moments that have meaning for you.

All the best and success…

Marcus

Mentors, teachers, advisors, and other professional helpers have been coaching people for decades, but they did not call themselves coaches. It was not until the early 1980s that the field began to formally organize itself. Today, coaching is a highly recognized and respected occupation. The primary aim of life coaching is to help clients determine and achieve personal goals.

What is the Benefit in Life Coaching?

At different times in life, everyone needs a sounding board. Life coaching, in the form of an outsider’s objective perspective, can be the best source for advice, support, and feedback. Life coaches use various methods and strategies to help clients with the process of setting and reaching goals. They may apply values assessment, behavior modification, behavior modeling, and mentoring—whatever it takes to help a client move from being stuck to being empowered

Why do People Become Stuck in the First Place?

One of the factors that contributes to becoming stuck and overwhelmed is fear of the unknown. You may ask yourself:

• What will come next if I move forward in life?
• What will happen if I take a risk?
• If I set goals, how will I manage achieving those goals?
• What if I fail?

While success is never guaranteed, looking at life as a seamless stream of opportunities instead of problems is the standpoint from which coaching begins.

Many people fear the unknown to a point of paralysis. They hold fearful thought patterns that cause immobilization and they fear moving forward. Life coaching can assist them in seeing their life situation from a different perspective. It may not be an easy task for them to break free from their fixed mindset or to make a 180-degree turn to see life from a very different angle. However, even one degree in a new direction is enough to open a new path to discovery.

Five Helpful Coaching Tools

Below are five helpful coaching tools and approaches for forming a new relationship with your goals and the unknown.

1. Form a new viewpoint.

Be excited and amazed at each new day. Forming a new viewpoint starts with creating new self-talk. Look in the mirror each day and say, “I see life with a new perspective. I will allow my perspective on those around me to change and grow.”

2. View life as a series of lessons and opportunities.

Every roadblock is an opportunity to reach outside your comfort zone. From this standpoint, every challenge is an opening for growth. Every day say, “I welcome the life lessons that will come my way today. I find subtle aspects of daily life enriching.”

3. Release fear of the unknown.

Remember that you are more than you might realize. Allow yourself to feel that greatness. State, “I will not fear that which I do not understand, nor will I turn away from situations that make me feel uncomfortable. I accept and meet challenges with poise.”

4. Commit to accepting change.

Begin to understand that change happens to enrich your life—change is essential to the human experience. Resisting change only prolongs the struggle with it. Say each day, “I love life with all of its challenges, because changes are part of life.”

5. Be excited about life and explore the unknown.

It will provide you with untold wealth in the form of life-enriching events.

If all of this seems too daunting to face alone, then find a coach who will be your success partner, expert listener, and chief strategist. Your coach will draw your best self forward and hold you to your goals. A worthy coach is the wind beneath your wings as you move through unknown skies to broader horizons.

This is an article I wrote for InnerRewards.com  (c) InnerRewards.com 2008